woke up this morning, stepped on the scale...still 117.2 despite the cereal and toast i had late last night. i didnt think it would cause me to gain a lot of weight but i didnt think it would help the scale at all.

didnt eat breakfast, went and walked in the parade...came home and changed....stepped back on teh scale before i put my clothes on...

116.6
yessss i hope this continues, or at the very least that i maintain!!!

ill try to hit my friends list up later tonight, ihavent had a chance to read since wednesday. im always just so busy when im home, sorry everyone!

happy 4th of july!!!

i was 117.2 this morning! wooohoooo!
and then i ran around sooo busy all day and didnt eat anything since 10am when i had 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter and soymilk....weighed myself at the end of the day and was 117.0.

yesss keep going down

bad news is i was so f'ing famished i just ate a bowl of cereal and 4 pieces of cinnamon toast. damn it. im still not counting it as a binge. it was kind of just like i ate all my calories for 1 day in 30 minutes. this is why i try to space out very small meals throughout the day...

hopefully wont be up too high tomorrow, i like being in the 117's....

im in a parade tomorrow morning for the 4th of july hahaha

i love being home :)

so since like maybe last friday-ish ive been spotting. generally not tooo much, but definitely spotting.

i have no idea whats causing this...last time i spotted it was because i needed to change birth control pills. i had been on the same pill for over a year and it kinda just wasnt working anymore. i switched to yaz in february and i have LOVED it. not one single problem EVER. fabulous.

but yeah started spotting almost a week ago, and my period is not due to come until next week.

im thinking what may have happened is that for the entire time ive been on birth control (almost 1 1/2-2 years) i have taken the pill to the exact same minute of every day. like literally, i have an alarm set on my phone. then about 2 weeks ago when i started training at the restaurant i took the pill at different times, about 2 hours earlier than i usually do.

i knwo taking the pills at diff times can affect your period and may cause u to spot, would 2 hours make that much of a difference?

i hope thats teh case. because i dont want to have to switch pills again.

but maybe this spotting/pseudo-period is to blame for my bloatedness and my body's refusal to lose weight. hmm interesting.

in any case im supposed to get my period next week. i hope it ends when it is supposed to. because if it ends when it's supposed to, it's the day before i leave for the pageant. it MUST be over by then. and this bloatedness MUST be over by then also.

anyone have any experience with this/birthcontrol/etc? id love some insight, thanks...

only down 0.4 pounds again. im 118.6 this morning...yes its getting lower, but i have not binged since june 15th. and i exercise. i am very unhappy with 118.6, i feel with the effort im making for the extent of time ive been making it i should have hit 115 a while ago.

all i ate yesterday was a luna bar and a salad and i only lost 0.4 pounds. ughhhhh

im switching it up a little bit today...luna bar (180) sugar free monster (20) yogurt (60) oatmeal (170) apple (80). and gym.

then i get on a plane at 9pm tonight and go home. that will be the TRUE test of discipline...resisting my many, many, many urges and cravings at home where i binge every single time im home....

i think im looking thinner everywhere except my belly. especially around my belly button. i just look (and when i pinch my stomach it feels...) so soft and bloated.

advice? help?
im really getting frustrated.

haha, here was my one entry in a Hogsmede contest:

( FanArt Challenge #I'mtoolazytolookitup: Draw a characters funeral. )


( and a Half-Life fanart: Why Gordon Never Talks )

EDIT: HOLEE CRAP lol in my deviantart gallery- the picture with the most comments? Is that stupid Twilight picture LOL! That's a lot of QQing xD.

Tags: art

The eagle-eyed among you might have spotted this already, but for those who had to blink at some point yesterday - MOO's launched Business Cards! As so many of you have asked for the MOO MiniCard magic just that little bit bigger, we felt duty bound to indulge you.

MOO Business Cards are a similar size to standard business cards, but with some very cool differences:( More )

Tags: atlast, moo, moobusinesscards

i cant wait for the day when i have a positive post lol

i stepped on the scale this morning and was only down 0.4 ughhhhhhhh all i ate yesterday was a luna bar, salad, and an apple. how am i not losing more?!

is my body in starvation mode? i dont have time to play around with upping and lowering calories. besides, the little tid bits here and there that ive had (i.e. bagel and ice cream sandwich a couple days ago) should be enough to confuse my metabolism.

so im 119.0. this is getting ridiculous. i cant believe how im hovering in the 119's. its on the high side for me.

the scale isnt lying either. before i stepped on the scale this morning i pinched my stomach (i pinch my fat all over my body all day long...) and it felt like there was a lot. i didnt feel skinny. i didnt feel light. i didnt feel empty, even though the last thing i had eaten was an apple 15 hours previous.

i feel average.
i feel soft.
i do not feel like i should be feeling with a swimsuit competition just 2 1/2 weeks away.

fuck. i need help. i need to get this weight off.

lets try it again, just eating luna bar, salad, apple...

eat less weigh less??????

Oooo Firefox 3 is purty :3. Yeah I'm late whatever.

I dare you to look at this and not laugh.

( some portraits )

Tags: art
Current Mood: blank

on friday i was 119.2.
didnt go to the gym, had a weird spell. i dont think its nutrition related because this has happened once before (that i can rememebr) when i was not restricting. basically, all of a sudden i'll be looking at something ive written or know very well and it will look completely foreign to me. the first time it happened i had written here on lj and someone was commenting on an entry so i was commenting back to her....and all of a sudden i went back to my lj and saw all those comments and started freakingggg out because i didnt recognize anythign i had written or anything i had read and i was convinced someone had broken into my account and was posing as me. then just like that, i snapped out of it.
pretty much the same thing happened where i was studying for this food test (i have to know every single ingredient and allergy of every single item on the menu at the restaurant im working at) from notes i had hand written, and i knew very well. i was walking out of my office job and couldnt remember something so took my notes at to jog my memory and i did not recognize a single word...it was like i was picking up somebody else's notes and reading them for the first time.
before both of these incidents i would have moments where i would have a feeling or a memory flash through my mind and i couldnt tell if the memories were real or if they were memories of dreams ive had....

really weird, huh?

well anyway. to make a long story short, i had this happen for the second time and so i sat outside my office for a long time till it went away. i really needed to go and take that food test! so by the time my memory came back to me, i went and took the test, i didnt have time to go to the gym before i had to meet up with my friends....and in fact i also ate another peanut butter and banana sandwich for dinner on top of not going to the gym...

yet i was down the next day 0.4 pounds. saturday morning i was at 118.8. not bad.
went to the gym and did about an hour and 10 mins of cardio.
lots of sit ups
lots of pushups (at least a lot for me lol)
ate a fair amount, more than i had originally planned. oatmeal, peach, 2 handful of almonds, yogurt granola fruit, luna bar.

aaand i was still down 0.8 pounds the next day.
yup. i woke up at 118.0 sunday morning.

went to the gym, couldnt do as much as i did the day before. my body felt extremely heavy and just....exhausted? i did 30 mins on the eliptical, 10 mins on the bike, and about 5 mins walking on the treadmill. really lame. but whatever i still got my ass there.

got back to my apartment and ate the same amount as the day before (well not all at once, but it totaled to be the same things). felt very heavy. my body felt sore and weak, and just not right.

i convinced myself i needed carbs. that had to be it, my body just needed nutrition.

so i went and got a bagel, toasted, peanut butter and jelly. delicious.
and then i got an ice cream sandwich. oh well.
it still was not a binge, i have gone 15 days (it will be 15 complete days at the end of today) without binging. like a bagel and ice cream sandwich is by no means good, but like that is no where near a binge....

so of course i gained. duh. i deserve it.
back up to 119.4. gained 1.4 pounds. fabulousss

but its obviously water weight, right? like its 3500 cals=1pound. a bagel and ice cream sandwhich isnt even half of that.

idk i rationalized that i was at 118.0, eating a bagel and ice cream sandwhich wouldnt make me gain that much....im actually shocked i gained almost a pound and a half. did i mess up my metabolism THAT bad?

so yeah im hoping its water weight and will come off as quickly as it went on (aka 1 day). cant go to the gym today or tomorrow because im working 830-430 at the office and then 5-close at the restaurant. good news is ill be running around up and down the stairs at the restaurant....

food today:
breakfast-luna bar (180 cals) and SF monster (20 cals)
lunch-salad with grilled chicken, asparagus, onion, carrots, cucumber, fat free raspberry vinaigrettes (on the side) lets say 400 tops (most likely less, right?)
"dinner"-apple-80 cals

i was really hoping ot be at my goal weight for when i went home wednesday night (well more so for when i weighed myself thurs morning)...that being 115.0.

im very concerned about going home this weekend. it is so close to my pageant (i leave for pageant 2 weeks from today and the pageant is 2 weeks from this coming saturday!!!)that i literally cannot afford any slip ups at all. none. and i loooove to eat at home. ahhh my mom is such a good cook, friends/relatives always want to eat, binge food is all over the kitchen/cupboards and its free...mmmm. its gonna be REALLY hard.

just gotta stay focused..

 By my watch it is, 5:30 a.m. with 31 seconds. What the hell am I doing up so frecking early? Oh that's right, Body Shaping.

Today's Austin's (Prom date from junior year that moved to Austin, TX which is about an hour from where I live) birthday, he's 18. I'm exactly two months older than him. He came up with his family about a week ago for a concert here and I saw his little sister, Juliet. She's going to be a heartbreaker when she's older. She's just that pretty! Austin has grown like six inches in six months. I swear, that kid is taller than my dad (who is 6'2'' or 74 in.) he's at least 6'4'' or 76 in. I'm a measley 5'7'' or 67 in.

I finished rereading Philospher's Stone. Things I (re)learned:
- Hogwarts has bells to signal end of class
- Quirrell didn't "disintegrate" like the movie shows but instead broke out in blisters
- Vernon works with drills
- Snape referees one of the Quidditch matches

There are other things. I just can't remember them.

Oh and Euro 2008 Final? I'm so bummed that Germany lost, but I think Spain needed this win, just because that country could do with a little unity.


5:39a. Shit! I'm late.

Current Music: A Well Respected Man -- The Kinks